White lies--withholding truth or fabricating "harmlessly" in the interest of protecting another from painful feelings.
How do you know when withholding truth is harmless or destructive? For example, if you went to lunch with a friend, and then the next day had lunch with another friend, but the two of them do not like each other, do you let it be known that you are friends with both? Is it necessary to mention it at all? It seems that there is no real use in irritating either one. Also, being friends with one has nothing to do with the other.
What about if you have an affair, and your spouse knows about it, but neither of you ever talk about it because the spouse can't bare the reality (and so pretends everything is fine) while you don't want to hurt him/her? This one is easy. It is obviously destructive since you broke your commitment.
This leads to the thought that, the easiest lies are those that both parties want. One wants to pretend (be lied to) and one doesn't want to confront (withhold truth/fabricate). The seemingly harmless lies might actually be a postponement of truth until a day of "reckoning", in which I believe, the longer the time, the greater the harm.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Current Read
A great website of the book I'm reading. The Reason for God. Cheers to the skeptic within all of us.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
FAQ: Why get married so fast?
I updated our wedding website
and answered one of the most often asked questions: Why so fast?
I'll copy it here as well.
A: The most important reason for why we decided to get married after dating for 9 months is, because we want to get married to each other! That might seem like a non-answer, but we thought maybe people suspected outside pressures such as parents, green cards, pregnancy, and Lian’s loans. (btw, those aren’t our reasons).
We both believed that since we were both individually ready for a life long commitment, it would take roughly a year to know whether this is "the one." Then, there are outside circumstances such as schooling, relocation, saving money for a wedding, and gaining stability in life that might make dating longer. We were lucky that circumstance allowed us to keep moving ahead in our relationship.
Nine months might seem fast, but the real time count for a relationship should really be in hours. Because we live in the same city, precisely 11 block apart, we spent many hours together talking and getting to know each other, in different contexts. Many, many hours later, we arrived at the decision to get married.
and answered one of the most often asked questions: Why so fast?
I'll copy it here as well.
A: The most important reason for why we decided to get married after dating for 9 months is, because we want to get married to each other! That might seem like a non-answer, but we thought maybe people suspected outside pressures such as parents, green cards, pregnancy, and Lian’s loans. (btw, those aren’t our reasons).
We both believed that since we were both individually ready for a life long commitment, it would take roughly a year to know whether this is "the one." Then, there are outside circumstances such as schooling, relocation, saving money for a wedding, and gaining stability in life that might make dating longer. We were lucky that circumstance allowed us to keep moving ahead in our relationship.
Nine months might seem fast, but the real time count for a relationship should really be in hours. Because we live in the same city, precisely 11 block apart, we spent many hours together talking and getting to know each other, in different contexts. Many, many hours later, we arrived at the decision to get married.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
But please, do keep it dignified
Somehow, lots of Asian girls use the WeddingBee website to plan their weddings. I wonder how they (okay! we) ended up all congregating there. A big draw is being able to see Miss xxx come to be Mrs. xxx, and how all the planning panned out on the day. They are the ones who know what pitfalls to avoid. It's like watching your older sister grow up the ways you wouldn't/would want to. Besides, only other brides-to-be can stand hearing you talk about all the little details that aren't that important in the grand scheme of things (e.g. difference between raw silk and silk satin).
I did manage to find these Dr. Seuss like vows on the site that everyone can enjoy. Credit goes to the writer Marty Blase.
Pastor: Then if you’ll take her as your wife,
And if you’ll love her all your life,
And if you’ll have, and if you’ll hold,
From now until the stars grow cold,
And if you’ll love through good and bad,
And whether you’re happy or sad,
And love in sickness, and in health,
And when you’re poor, and when in wealth,
And if you’ll love with all your heart,
From now until death do you part,
Yes, if you’ll love her through and through,
Please answer with these words:
Pastor and Groom: I DO!
Pastor: You’re married now! So kiss the bride,
But please, do keep it dignified.
I did manage to find these Dr. Seuss like vows on the site that everyone can enjoy. Credit goes to the writer Marty Blase.
Pastor: Then if you’ll take her as your wife,
And if you’ll love her all your life,
And if you’ll have, and if you’ll hold,
From now until the stars grow cold,
And if you’ll love through good and bad,
And whether you’re happy or sad,
And love in sickness, and in health,
And when you’re poor, and when in wealth,
And if you’ll love with all your heart,
From now until death do you part,
Yes, if you’ll love her through and through,
Please answer with these words:
Pastor and Groom: I DO!
Pastor: You’re married now! So kiss the bride,
But please, do keep it dignified.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Weekend in DC
We took a weekend trip to DC this weekend to visit my sister-in-law to-be and her family. My fiance has an amazing pair of older sisters. Ahna, the older one, is designing our invites, response cards, and programs. Her daughter Zoe will be our flowergirl. I will be to her the Asian-American Aunt. Perhaps we shall have a special bond as Asian-Americans.
I hope my in-laws will have a good time at the wedding. I think it's hard for them to travel to the states and be somewhere where they are pretty much completely dependent on the children. I'm trying my best to be sensitive to their needs and have a wedding that is true to Lok and I. The hard part is I don't know them really well yet, and we are from different cultures and have different worldviews. I have to really trust that Lok will do his best to bridge all that. I know my own parents will pretty much have a blast, my mom especially. I'm really glad about that.
I hope my in-laws will have a good time at the wedding. I think it's hard for them to travel to the states and be somewhere where they are pretty much completely dependent on the children. I'm trying my best to be sensitive to their needs and have a wedding that is true to Lok and I. The hard part is I don't know them really well yet, and we are from different cultures and have different worldviews. I have to really trust that Lok will do his best to bridge all that. I know my own parents will pretty much have a blast, my mom especially. I'm really glad about that.
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